Marvel and Zeb Wells continue to give Spidey fans more of what they don't want.
Writer | Zeb Wells |
Guest Illustrator | Emilio Laiso |
Guest Colorist | Bryan Valenza |
Legacy Numbering | |
Content Rating | T+ |
Publisher | Marvel | 08.14.24 |
Spoilers Ahead
As I watched the credits roll at the end of Deadpool & Wolverine, I noticed Zeb Wells is credited as one of the writers of the film. I thought to myself, "can Marvel just keep him there? Like, nowhere near the comics? Let him do whatever he wants in the MCU, I'm far more indifferent to what happens in the movies than in the comics!" And that was before I even read Amazing Spider-Man #55. Now I feel even more strongly that Wells' run being among the most despised to ever grace the pages of ASM is well-deserved.
ASM #55 is basically a date issue. Peter is trying to have dinner with Shay Marken. "Who the hell is that?" you might ask. She's a nurse from Ravencroft that Peter is trying to start a relationship with (I've been reading the book every month for years and can barely remember she exists). Let me be very clear here: not one of the so-called love interests that have been introduced in the pages of Amazing Spider-Man since the launch of Brand New Day have been interesting. None. Brand New Day launched in 2008: that means Marvel has been introducing these nobodies for 16 years. 16. YEARS. No one cares about "Carlie Cooper," or "Lilly Hollister," and even fewer actually remember them.
I think it's a combination of things that have caused these characters to fail, but the biggest issue is that none of these women are interesting. They're presented as interchangeable cardboard cutouts with superficial details that ultimately don't mean anything. Carlie was a cop! Okay, but I can't think of a single thing beyond that to make her feel like a person. Gwen, MJ, and Felicia are real characters with actual motivations and personalities. Today's writers are so scared to portray female characters as real people that all we've been getting for nearly 20 years are planks of wood with "Peter Parker's Girlfriend" stapled to the front.
Thus it was with zero enthusiasm that I tuned into the latest ridiculous attempt by Peter to court a woman. Seriously, why does this man bother? Maybe I'll save this for the podcast (coming soon, by the way), but in brief, Peter's attempts to live a so-called normal life while insisting on crapping all over said normal life the second some mugger or supervillain gets within breathing distance has never made much sense. Particularly because a relationship is as much a responsibility has the oath he made to Uncle Ben. Don't these women deserve as much of his devotion as his dead uncle?
But I digress. I mainly wasn't interested in Peter's dinner with Shay because she's just the latest plank of wood for Peter to toss into the furnace over and over as he absconds to be Spider-Man. I'll give Wells this much, at least: Shay says almost what I said above, except its given a Gen Z framing of taking care of yourself, not someone else. In any case, she tells Peter that he has a responsibility to take care of his own needs, which includes things like going out on this date with her. That she went through the trouble of taking care of stuff at work an hour early so that she could be on time for this date, something that Peter has now failed to reciprocate three times in a row.
Peter feels guilty, says some canned dialogue ("I want to be here"), and... sees Rhino and Screwball running by in the window behind Shay and leaves her to go take care of them.
Sigh.
Wells mixes things up, however, and instead of suiting up as Spider-Man, Peter decides to confront the villains on foot in his civilian clothes. He approaches the duo, who are presumably on their way to do something criminal, and bawls them out, saying can you please stop being bad for a night so I can go on my date? And because ASM is a gag comic and not a serious story, they of course say yes!
AARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH.
I'm sorry but this is stupid. It's inane nonsense. Everyone gets written like a Zoomer with childish characterizations and simplistic motivations. Screwball, fine, she's supposed to be a typical young person perpetually jacked into social media. But Rhino? Why would he care that some loser he's never met is mad about him going out to score? In fact, why wouldn't the two of them look at Peter and say, you don't even know what we're going to do or where we're going to do it, so why are you talking to us? Who are you?
Instead, it's laffs and funnies as Peter makes his way back to the restaurant where Shay is still sitting, deciding whether or not to eat after Peter seemingly ditched her. He approaches the table and says, "I want... I want to... I want to kiss you." In the most sterile display of "passion" that can be mustered up for a Modern Day audience (note that special care was given to show that Peter made sure to ask for consent and receive it before daring to make a move) that you can imagine. And that's basically it. 22 pages of pure Bendis-ian compression at its worst. Now, you can look forward to forking over ten bucks or whatever for the "legacy" issue 950 that's coming in a couple of weeks. Yay.
Editor Nick Lowe refers in the letters page to this as a "catch-breath" issue. No, this is called filler, and it's filler of the worst kind. One-off issues can certainly be good, and even impactful. This, however, was fluff. A nothing comic where this woman Shay can tell that Peter isn't normal, has some weird other responsibility in his life that will always supersede her, a life that he explicitly refuses to explain to her, a life that causes him bodily injury that she can see right on his face as he sat at the table, and we're supposed to believe that she's interested in this dude?
Worse, let's address the elephant in the room: Mary Jane. Look, Marvel, let's be clear—no one wants Peter with anyone other than MJ. Period. End of story. Look at your own freaking anthology issue that just came out, Spider=Man: Black Suit & Blood #1. You know who all those writers kept pairing him with in those stories? MJ! Because they're a perfect fit, right on the same level as Clark Kent and Lois Lane. Please, for the love of God, remove your heads from your backsides and get them back together. No one cares about Shay, no one will ever care about Shay, and every issue that you prolong this nonsense is an issue that pushes away more and more longtime readers who are sick of this.
The one positive here is that Emilio Laiso's art is competent, but he also doesn't have much to work with. It's multiple pages of Peter and Shay sitting and talking at a table. Laiso does everything he can to spice up the scenery, but there's only so much an artist can do with such limitations placed on them. I also wasn't too keen on his version of Peter's face, which looked a little funny in some panels. Overall, this was an okay effort, but nothing that would make it worth buying this comic for.
ASM #55 sucked. Do better, Marvel.
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